I've never felt so alone in my life. My heart feels as though it has cob webs and dust gathering on it. I've never been the type to need somone to fill the emptyness inside of me but, now as everyone around me is falling in love I just seem to be falling more and more into self-loathing. I wish I was thinner, prettier or anything to get someone to notice me. There has to be some kind of flaw or something that I can fix so that my fairytale will fall into place. I watch movies, listen to music, and read books in which people seem to be drowining in love when all I'm wishing for is a raindrop of emotion. Usually when I watch a movie I can become so engulped in the characters love that it gives me a high but, it seems that i'm forgetting how to fill the vile to enject my fix. I'm so jealous of my friends laughing and talking about how happy they are and all I can do is paint on a smile. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for my friends but with each day I feel the world getting smaller and smaller . What happens when I'm the only one left? Is this some kind of terrible karma that I've inflicted upon myself? Have I already passed up my chance to love? Was I too cold? Am I no longer able to feel love? I'm breaking my own heart with nobodies help. People keep telling me " Wait out for the real thing." or "Don't settle for anything but the best." but what if I don't deserve the best? I feel like nobody can help me. I don't think I'm ruined but I might be. Am i too critical to let someone in? Each day I feel as though I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.
I don't want to be alone.
I don't want to die alone.



- quotexwhore@lj.